


moments loved and lost

by pierpressure



Series: ZKDrabbleDecember2020 [6]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beaches, Ember Island (Avatar), Episode: s03e17 The Ember Island Players, F/M, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Momtara and Dadko, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s03e16 The Southern Raiders, Post-The Last Agni Kai (Avatar), Toph knows all, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, dumpling date night, sokka needs to do some housework, zuko and katara are the parents of the group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pierpressure/pseuds/pierpressure
Summary: Emboldened by the upcoming Sozin's comet, Zuko and Katara lose and find themselves on Ember Island.Certain things were inevitable. The call of the ocean. The phases of the moon. The rise of the sun. Katara and Zuko.Inevitable, but also impossible. Or so they thought.Day 7: Caught Up in the MomentDay 8: Tiny ShiversDay 9: Lock and KeyDay 23: Wanting MoreDay 24: MuseDay 25: Here With YouDay 29: In My Heart
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Katara, Toph Beifong & Zuko
Series: ZKDrabbleDecember2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037616
Comments: 38
Kudos: 121
Collections: ZK Drabble December 2020, zutara (ATLA)





	1. caught up in pretending

**Author's Note:**

> Day 7: Caught Up in the Moment of ZK Drabble December 2020
> 
> It's a well-known fact that Katara and Zuko are the parents of the gang. So they might as well get the perks, too. Like date night?

Katara knew that Team Avatar would fall apart without her. 

There was an endless list of possible scenarios that the helpless gang would succumb to without her presence. Sokka’s disgusting socks would go too long without being washed and get launched around as projectiles during play fighting, instantly killing everyone. Biological weapons aside, they would also probably starve.

She’d long accepted her role as the single mother of a growing brood of unruly children. What she hadn’t quite accepted was how Zuko fit into this patchwork family dynamic. 

Zuko was different from the rest. Dare she say, self-sufficient. He could do his own laundry, cook his own food, and didn’t require being tucked in with a bedtime story every night.

The truly bizarre part? He utilized his self-sufficiency to assist Katara with such tasks for the others. She’d practically fainted the first time he slunk over and started helping her do laundry at the Western Air Temple. Even after she’d gotten over the shock, Katara had only grunted at him due to the whole ‘hating-his-guts’ predicament.

But that was behind them now. 

Did that make him the dad of the group? Did Katara now have joint custody?

Was it more than joint custody?

Maybe she didn’t mind. Zuko wasn’t as horrible as Katara had thought, especially considering she no longer _despised_ his company. 

So it made sense that a not-so-bad guy like Zuko would come running when he heard the loud clang of pots and pans against the ground.

“That slimy little piece of work! I’m going to kill him the second he gets back!” Katara bellowed, feeling her cheeks heat in anger.

“Katara! What’s wrong? What happened? Who’s dying?” Zuko questioned, scrambling into the kitchen.

If she was a firebender, there would be smoke coming out of her nostrils. “MY IDIOT BROTHER,” she huffed, “skipped out on shopping duty to go on a ‘hunting trip’ with Suki that’s just going to be the two of them sharing cooties in the woods while I have to do all of the work around here. It’s so unfair that everyone, including Aang and Toph, who are nowhere to be found, just get to fool around all the time, and they all expect me to just do it all for them!”

Zuko’s eyes widened at her incensed display of rage that rivaled Avatar Kyoshi splitting off from the mainland. Realizing her anger was being misdirected at an innocent bystander who was not her incompetent, idiotic excuse for a brother, Katara took a deep breath.

Zuko opened and closed his mouth like a dying fish before finding the words to respond.

“I’ll do the shopping, Katara. You’re right, it’s not fair that they make you do all the work and don’t even thank you. I can talk to them if you want. Put on a little fire show to scare them into stepping up,” he offered earnestly.

Katara was taken aback, for two reasons. One: Zuko had just admitted she was right, no fight required. Two: He had offered to pick up Sokka’s slack for her. 

She blinked repeatedly, unsure how to respond without unleashing the mental argument she’d concocted.

“Uh, that’s a sweet offer, Zuko. But it’s fine, really. I have some stuff I need to get in town, anyway. And I’ll chew Sokka out plenty on my own, so don’t worry.”

He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Katara, I insist. I’ll go with you, then. We’ll make a day out of it while everyone else is out having fun. We can have fun, right?”

  
That was how they ended up in the dumpling restaurant, seated with their faces inches apart around a tiny table, illuminated by soft, dusty rose-colored lanterns. 

Following a long day of shopping and weighed down by purchases galore, Zuko had insisted on taking her out to dinner as dusk fell. Katara hadn't protested.

Zuko shifted in his seat and pulled his black hood up, wildly uncomfortable with the atmosphere of the restaurant further enforced by the couples canoodling around them. 

“They, uh, changed the place a lot since my family used to come here. It wasn’t-it didn’t look like this before,” he stammered, gesturing at the romance seeping out of the walls and into the air around them.

“It’s fine, Zuko. Don’t worry, I don’t mind. The dumplings are good and I don’t care about anything else,” Katara assured him, picking up a steaming bao with her chopsticks and unceremoniously popping it into her mouth.

“They’re the best on Ember Island,” he chirped, relaxing at Katara’s seeming nonchalance about the awkwardness of the situation.

“Glad I have a local to let me in on all the secrets. I’ll have to take you shopping with me more often,” Katara grinned around a mouth full of dumpling filling, seeming to light up the room around them to Zuko.

“I’m not really a local, but yeah, I think that would be for the best. You, uh, scream tourist and the shopkeepers were ripping you off.”

“What? You take that back! I do not scream tourist. If anything, your royal butt sticks out more!” Katara countered, her volume rising as she scoffed.

“Keep your voice down!” Zuko chided, eyes flickering to the people around them before lowering his voice. “It’s the way you handle the money, like it takes you a while to figure out how much everything is worth. It gives you away. Prince or not, I know how to use Fire Nation money, Katara.”

“I guess the prices were a little lower this time…” she admitted for the sole purpose of seeing him break out into a genuine smile.

Here, alone with Zuko, it was easy to get caught up in the moment. To pretend that there wasn’t a war going on or a comet coming. To ignore what was at stake and pretend they were a married couple on a date night without their children, which was only a slight exaggeration of their reality.

To pretend was soothing like the sluggish lull of waves rocking a ship to its sides; it was something they were both familiar with and could take comfort in before it disappeared. 

“Now you just can’t get rid of me. We’ll have to be shopping buddies from now on,” he blurted excitedly, only realizing that he said that out loud after it was in the air. 

Dropping the bao he was holding back onto the plate, Zuko looked up at Katara to see a bright smile and faint blush on her face.

“It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still not under the limit but i got pretty close! so i'm proud of myself.
> 
> pt. 2 will be up tomorrow for the prompt: tiny shivers.
> 
> thank you for reading, commenting, and kudosing!


	2. shivers and spirits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 8: Tiny Shivers of ZK Drabble December

The choice of venue may not have been as accidental as Zuko had let on. 

To be fair, the 'shopping buddies' arrangement had been completely unintentional. Sokka had left that enraging note to his sister completely of his own accord and everything else had worked out with the help of sheer luck. 

Zuko had recalled the little dumpling joint as somewhere his father had brought his mother, banishing Zuko and Azula to a side table, where his sister would often attempt to singe his eyebrows off to entertain herself. But the ambiance back then had been subtly romantic, a perfect place to take Katara without coming on too strong.

And then they had walked into the equivalent of a fertility festival exploding. Mortified, Zuko had clammed up and become a stuttering mess.

But Katara was merely amused, giving him a wide, genuine smile instead of the normal tight one he’d always seen his mother wear around his father. Once the embarrassment subsided, Zuko even felt a swell of pride that Katara was enjoying herself so much at the expense of the romantic cheesiness.

Zuko tried to keep his excitement in check. This wasn’t a date. Katara may look adorable with her cheeks stuffed round and full of bao or when she talked about anything with her signature fiery passion and seemed to light up the room, but that wasn’t the nature of their relationship. She had only agreed to two friends enjoying dumplings together in a comically romantic setting. 

And then she called it a date, flushing with an adorable blush that also set his face on fire.

As if that wasn’t enough to send him into a hopeless stupor, their waiter chose that moment to approach and catalyze the situation even further.

“Ma’am, would you and your boyfriend like your leftovers wrapped to take home?”

Zuko wasn’t surprised the young man had correctly identified Katara as the boss here (despite the fact he was the one paying), but was dumbfounded for what seemed like the millionth time that night by her response.

“Yes please, we’d love that,” she smiled warmly as he took their food away, causing Zuko’s mouth to drop in shock (again).

“Y-you didn’t correct them. You always, uh, used to correct people and get mad when they’d assume we were dating,” Zuko observed, eyes wide and glued on the long chocolate hair cascading down her bare shoulders, her bare stomach in the maroon top, the golden bangles clinking on her delicate wrists- oh crap, he’d gotten distracted. 

“Yeah, well, you’re not trying to kill us like you were back then,” Katara countered, raising her arched eyebrows.

“I-I was never trying to kill you,” Zuko protested, his voice growing smaller as he continued, “just, uh, well... detain you. I’m still sorry for that, by the-”

She cut him off with a playful laugh, bringing her hand to touch his wrist. “You don’t need to keep apologizing for that; it’s in the past. Besides, everyone here already thinks we’re some lovey-dovey couple. Might as well keep the magic alive for them, right?”

The waiter returned smiling with their leftovers and Zuko fumbled the change trying to pay when Katara shot him a wink.

As he walked away, a smug look made it’s home on her face. “Seems like I’m not the only one who can’t handle money, huh, Zuko?”

Grinning, Zuko huffed. “Give me a chance to redeem myself. I’ll buy you some shaved ice. There’s a great place right around the corner.”

Strolling down the dirt path towards the beach house with lazy steps, Zuko cocked his head to see Katara’s nose wrinkle as she stuck her tongue out. 

“Why is it so sour?” she lamented, holding up her bright blue cone of shaved ice.

“You got the lemon-flavored, that’s why it’s sour. Do you not like it?”

“First of all, it’s beyond me why you Fire Nationers eat snow. This is a building material, not a dessert. But why in world would lemons be blue?” Katara cried.

Zuko’s shoulders were wracked with repressed laughter as he tried to respond. Laughing at Katara would merely fire her up more, but he couldn’t help it. “I don’t know why they color it blue, but eating snow is great in the heat here. If you hate yours that much, we can switch.”

Her eyes widened as if surprised and she smiled tentatively. “You’d do that?”

“Yeah, mine’s persimmon. When we were little, Azula always used to order the blue and hate it, so I’d end up having to switch with her. I don’t mind,” Zuko explained with a small shrug.

“It’s alright, Zuko. Really-”

“No, I insist. You’ll like the red; it’s sweet,” he interjected, grabbing her cone and handing his over.

Zuko watched her nibble at the treat, lighting up at the realization he was right. As they rounded a turn and came up onto a familiar spot, he bit his lip and desperately hoped he hadn’t misread any signals.

Clasping his hand onto her wrist, he pulled her onto the overgrown path leading down towards the secluded bay nearby. 

“Zuko, what-”

“Just trust me. I want to show you my favorite spot on Ember Island,” he explained, meeting her eyes that seemed to gleam even in the darkness.

Wordlessly, she followed his lead through some light underbrush until they emerged onto the sandy beach of the tiny lagoon, whose midnight water reflected both the shining crescent moon’s light and gleamed with a luminosity of its own.

“How?” Katara managed to breathe after a few seconds of taking in the scenery that left her awe-struck.

“Spirits live in the water and glow green-blue at night, even brighter when the water is stirred. That’s why the waves glow like that,” he responded, just as breathless, although for a different reason.

“I can see why it’s your favorite place here. It’s almost like La got jealous of Tui’s lights in the sky and made his own. I’ve never seen anything quite so beautiful…”

 _I have_ , he thought, mesmerized by the wonder in her features and thankful for the ethereal glow of the waves encompassing their bare feet that bathed her in light.

She turned to face him, locking eyes in an unnerving way that sent tiny shivers down throughout the two of them. 

Did Zuko dare?

Yes, he did.

“Close your eyes.”

Hesitating for a second, Katara inhaled sharply as she complied with his request and he became acutely aware of her soft breaths growing warmer on his skin.

He touched his lips chastely to hers and pulled back a little to meet her wide blue eyes before she was grabbing his collar and pulling him back in.

Her lips pressed into his shyly, parting into his as he threaded his arms around her waist and through her long, loose hair. It was easy to get lost in the touch, taste, smell, sound, and sight of the inexplicable _experience_ that was kissing Katara.

Before he had a chance to commit every searing detail into memory, she was pulling away and lurching around to hide her face from his. She covered her mouth with her hands, slouching to stare at the water at her feet. She didn’t say, “What have I done?” because she didn’t need to. 

Eyes wide, he stared at her unmoving back for a moment before Katara grabbed the long-forgotten baskets of groceries and whispered, “We should get back. The others will start to worry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied- it's now 3 parts! final chapter will update for tomorrow's prompt: lock and key.
> 
> the concept of blue-raspberry makes zero sense, but the blue-lemon made it's way into here so i could add color symbolism. it doesn't need to make sense because food dye exists.
> 
> the bioluminescent bay phenomenon in this chapter also exists (it's quite a nice thing to look at while you're getting seasick on a sailboat, in my experience). they're super vibrant in puerto rico and just gorgeous to look at, so i thought it'd be a nice addition in this world that could be put down to the spirits.
> 
> thank you for liking, kudosing, and commenting!


	3. secrets undiscovered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 9: Lock and Key of ZK Drabble December 2020

Katara locked her gaze on the moon, fiercely willing the tears threatening to spill down her face to not fall.

“Katara, talk to me. Please,” Zuko pleaded from where he loomed behind her, his voice cracking with anguish she was responsible for. 

She shouldn’t have kissed him back. She’d gotten caught up in the moment, in the scene surrounding them, in the tiny shivers he sent down her spine. Katara had given in to her most basic instincts- the ones that screamed for her to run into his grasp and wrap her arms around his neck and never let go.

It had been a mistake. One she couldn’t bring herself to regret. 

What she did regret was what she’d done to the beautiful boy who had charmed her all night long with his awkward, earnest smiles that made her heart flutter. The boy who had switched shaved ice with her in a heartbeat because he’d wanted her to be happy. Who’d brought her to a cheesy, romantic dumpling joint completely by accident and argued over the way she paid for things. 

His rapid breathing was shaky from where he stood, barely audible over the pounding of blood in her ears that threatened to make the rest of the world fall away. 

Katara couldn’t afford to retreat now, not when he was hurt and she was to blame. 

“I’m so sorry, Katara. I shouldn’t have-” Zuko started before she turned to face him and he fell silent upon meeting her eyes.

She dropped her gaze to the ground, to a meek turtle crab that scurried across the shifting grains of sand beneath Katara’s feet. His amber eyes blazed like the sun, complete with welling tears to reflect their light into the dark cover of night blanketing them. Katara couldn’t bear to see evidence of her transgressions plop onto his sharp cheekbones.

“No, don’t apologize. I kissed you back. I wanted it, too. You didn’t force me, Zuko… But we shouldn’t have done that.”

Katara craned her head to face him and what she’d done. To face the confusion in the creases marring his features even worse than a burn. Only his right eye could fully widen in shock, but she wanted more than anything to drop the basket of items to the ground and brush her thumb over the scar, to soothe his wounds.

Some of which she had inflicted, others only exacerbated, most of which were the fault of the man who wanted to see the world in flames. 

Why Katara wanted so badly to heal the heir of the nation that had taken so much from her, she couldn’t say. All she knew was that Zuko wasn’t the Fire Nation she knew. He wasn’t a faceless nightmare that haunted her while she slept at night. In Katara’s dreams, Zuko was always smiling. More so than he did in reality.

He was kind and sweet and awkward and would overstarch Sokka’s underwear to the point her brother was always scratching his crotch in public. She didn’t know whether this was purposeful or not, but either way, it made her love him more.

Love. She didn’t quite know how to categorize him, but he transcended the confines of just friendship. If she was being honest, he had for a long time (even if she had refused to admit it). Katara was inexplicably drawn to him for reasons she couldn’t fathom, a tide endlessly falling back to the sea, whether she wanted to or not.

She was a falling wave at shore attempting to forsake the sea. It was impossible. 

Certain things were inevitable. The call of the ocean. The phases of the moon. The rise of the sun. Katara and Zuko.

Inevitable, but also impossible.

“I don’t understand, wh-”

“Zuko, I won’t deny the way I feel for you. But there’s no outcome where _we_ , “ Katara gestured weakly between them, “work. I don’t even know if we’ll live past the comet, but even if we did, we’re doomed. You’d be the Fire Lord and I’d be-well, I’d be me. We’re too different. The opposite ends of a magnet; all we’ll do is repel each other and-”

“Opposite ends of a magnet attract,” he interjected with eyes that danced on the precipice of defeat.

“Okay, that was a bad example. But the point still stands. I was confused, Zuko. There’s just no way we can be together,” she stated firmly, pushing him over the edge. 

It was his turn to take a sudden interest in the monotony of sand underneath them.

“I’m so sorry, Zuko. I really am.”

He reached for the other basket of groceries and gave the weakest, most pathetic imitation of a smile Katara had ever encountered. “You’re right. The gang will mutiny if we don’t get back with food soon. We should go.”

He let her walk in front of him, a mutually beneficial agreement where neither party would have to witness the aftermath of actions that couldn’t be taken back. 

As the dim glow of Zuko’s family beach house crept onto the path in front of them, Katara stopped in her tracks, causing Zuko to walk into her.

“Ah- sorry!” he exclaimed, gracefully swerving to his left to prevent any of the foodstuffs from falling to the ground and receiving a dirt garnish.

“Zuko, I’m sorry to have to ask this, but I think it would be best for the group as a whole. Can we keep tonight’s events just between us? Pretend it never happened?”

Shifting his grip on the baskets, Zuko brushed his thick, dark bangs out his eyes and sighed softly. “You were right, back there… It wouldn’t work. But don’t worry, I won’t tell any of them. Our secret’s under lock and key.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally met the word limit!!!!!!
> 
> on a less happy note, this story ended up being way more angst than i anticipated when i did the fluffy date night chapter. it's come to a (somewhat?) natural stopping point, and i believe i am going to stop it here. yes, i know that means they don't really get a happy ending, but i think this story has gone the route that it fit into canon and shows some loves that are meant to be don't work out.
> 
> i wouldn't be totally opposed to continue this, but feel free to give me some feedback. 
> 
> anyways, (again) thank you for reading, kudosing, commenting, etc. i'm (kind of) on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/meekothetrashpanda) as well.


	4. reflections of desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 23: Wanting More

When Zuko was a young boy with a still unscarred face, his father had once reluctantly taken him to the circus. Ozai allowing attendance to a 'fun' event was practically unprecedented, but he had eventually bent to Azula's will after persistent nagging. 

Following the joyful experience of losing his father and sister in the crowd, Zuko and Ursa had sat in the grass and nibbled at sweet, fried dough. Amongst the deafening colors and shadows and laughter and people encircling him, Zuko's gaze had been caught by an amorphous mirror, propped up against a wall with weathered cinder blocks. The glass was dirt-speckled with a small crack in the corner, but he had been incredibly amused by the reflection staring back at him.

Zuko would describe the glaringly inaccurate experience that was the Ember Island Players' production of _The Boy in the Iceberg_ as similar to the funhouse mirror of a circus. It bore some semblance to reality, but only in glimpses and fragments. 

The play's depiction of his life was very clearly distorted, like his view of the world before suffering had been his teacher. 

As he watched him onstage parody embrace Katara in a passionate kiss under the unnerving glow of Ba Sing Se's crystal catacombs, this was especially apparent. The schpiel about this version Katara and Zuko's undeniable and undying attraction to one another was comically awful, but also made his heart clench. 

He saw the real Katara's eyes widen in horror and a furious tinge of blush adorn her cheeks from the corner of his eye, accompanied by a grimace from Aang on his other side.

Just as Zuko had promised, their excursion at the lighted bay had remained a closely guarded secret since that night. They hadn't spoken of it aloud, or spoken at all, for that matter. He continued to dodge Katara by racing out of rooms and scrambling to help around the house without being seen. This self-imposed exile had been broken for the play not willingly, but out of necessity. Aang's unrequited affections for Katara were especially apparent as he openly gaped at her, so Zuko had begrudgingly acted as a barrier. The last thing anyone needed tonight was avoidable drama of the romantic nature, something he knew Katara had no interest in at the moment.

Zuko told himself that his actions were for the benefit of the whole group, but the selfish undertones remained. He didn't understand this strange dance he was partaking in with Katara but still went through the instinctual movements. Shielding her from unwanted confrontation with Aang was merely one of the steps.

Despite sitting close enough to her hear ragged and panicked breaths, Zuko still couldn't bring himself to face Katara. Giving Aang an awkward smile meant to be reassuring, he turned to Sokka's insistent prodding with a shrug. 

"Creative liberties," he drily assured the theatre snack enthusiast. The nonchalant dismissal did not reflect the rapid beating of his heart, but Toph graciously did not expose him in front of everyone. Zuko had no doubts that Toph had at least guessed parts of his predicament, just based on her expression the night Katara and Zuko had returned home together. Still, she hadn't revealed anything or confronted him, which he was eternally grateful for.

Placated by Zuko's dismissal of the few grains of truth contained within the endless beaches of fallacy, Sokka continued to munch on his fire flakes with Suki and returned to his scheduled viewing.

The assault of emotional turmoil continued as Zuko betrayed his uncle and the ideals he would later crawl back to. As Azula prepared to strike Aang with deadly lightning, Zuko shrugged off the blank stares of his friends and stumbled out of the theatre, muttering a half-hearted excuse about needing the restroom.

It wasn't believable, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He raced through the halls that all blended into one another with no clue of where he was headed, following some instinctual force blindly. When Zuko became aware of his surroundings again, he was standing at the familiar entrance of a wooden balcony. 

Sighing, he stepped towards the railing and leaned against it. The moon shone high in the sky, accompanied by twinkling stars that were dimmed by the glow of nearby lanterns. The salty sea breeze carried strands of Zuko's hair before moving on, tickling his ears and neck. 

Burying his head in his hands, Zuko finally let the tears that had been building up coat his palms. Crushing guilt and anguish that had been collecting within him spilled out all at once, threatening to bury him. Zuko was tempted to let it.

The soft knock jolted him out of his miserable stupor, causing him to almost send the whole structure up like tinder in surprise. Zuko's teary eyes widened and he stared with dumbfounded confusion as Katara began to close the space between them. He hastily attempted to conceal the fact he had been crying while Katara politely pretended she didn't notice. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked as she settled a small distance from him, leaning on the railing.

"I wanted some fresh air and a break from that awful play," Katara responded with a tentative smile, a peace offer he couldn't bring himself to accept.

Zuko didn't respond, continuing to discreetly wipe away wears with his sleeve. A moment passed in heavy silence before she continued softly, "This is a beautiful spot. How'd you find it?"

Begrudgingly, Zuko responded, "My mom and I used to come here during intermissions."

It had been the only redeeming part of suffering through _Love Amongst Dragons_ every year, he thought but didn't say. That was something Zuko would have told Katara before. But not now.

He also didn't share his longing for the naive past that had taken place within this theatre. It was a simpler time when he could observe reality through the reflection of a distorted mirror and remain blissfully ignorant. Still, he didn't- and couldn't- revert to who he had been.

After a long pause that made it clear Zuko had no desire to elaborate, Katara spoke up again. "Did you really say those things? About hating your uncle?"

"I might as well have," he replied curtly.

"You didn't mean it, Zuko. You were just confused back then. He'll forgive you," Katara insisted, still only daring to speak in whispers.

Zuko wanted Katara to leave. But he wished she would stay. "I don't deserve his forgiveness."

Katara scooted in closer and gripped his hand in hers. "Yes, you do. You're uncle's a good guy, from what I've seen at the North Pole and in Ba Sing Se. He'd be so proud of who you've become."

Zuko met her wide azure eyes for the first time since the night he'd willingly drowned in them. "How do you know that?" he rasped.

"Because I'm proud of you. I- He loves you a lot... I can tell." 

Zuko bowed his head and groaned. "Katara, please don't. We can't- This isn't working out. You should go," he sighed defeatedly.

He tried to move away from her, but Katara tightened her grip, now sporting watery eyes of her own. "No. No. I miss you too much. I miss your joking when we do laundry and the sound of your voice. I miss your laugh and that stupid crooked grin you always have when Sokka makes a joke about you being a housewife. I don't want-I can't lose you over a mistake," she pleaded, the cool touch of her fingers harsh against his clenched knuckles.

Zuko and Katara simultaneously flinched as her utterance hung in the air between them like the water droplets of oppressive humidity. 

"I didn't-You're not a mistake, Zuko-" she started before he pressed a finger to her lips. 

It took all of Zuko's willpower to resist the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss away the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I miss you too... But I can't be friends with you without being left wanting more. And it won't work. Keeping our distance is for the best... I'm so sorry, Katara."

Zuko pulled away slightly, not trusting himself to continue touching her.

"Please. I'm sorry. I just want things to go back to the way they were," she squeaked, running her hands desperately through her hair.

"I know. I know. I do, too. But they can't," he shushed her, gently tucking a frazzled strand behind Katara's ear before walking away. Zuko desperately assured himself he was going the right thing, even as the sound of sniffling grew fainter in his ears.

He didn't look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied! i will be continuing this depression-fest of a fic! woo-hoo! i was editing the earlier chapters (how did people read that shit i feel SOOOO bad omg) and realized that ending was far too anticlimactic, so i decided it wouldn't be the ending!
> 
> the next update is scheduled for tomorrow and i can't believe we've entered the final stretch of drabble december. (none of my entries have been drabbles, but we're ignoring that) this has been an amazing challenge, but i can feel the burnout creeping up on me here, so i'm also looking forward to taking a break and going into hibernation come january.
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading etc!


	5. musings of the broken-hearted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 24: Muse
> 
> yet another example of me very loosely interpreting the prompt!

"Does she know you're in love with her?"

Zuko spat out the water he'd been drinking at terminal velocity, spraying it all over the earthbender lounging on the ground next to him. "W-what?!?!?" he sputtered, heart racing to accompany his wide eyes.

"I'll say it again: does Katara know you've fallen hopelessly in love with her?" Toph repeated steadily, wiping some of the previously dispelled water off of her arm with a nonchalance Zuko could not relate to at the moment.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about. Knock it off, Toph," he hissed as Sokka passed through the room in a blur, shouting some nonsense about burying Aang in the backyard.

Zuko averted his gaze as Katara bounded after him in a frenzy, shouting, "Don't you dare kill him!"

There was an abrupt slam of a sliding door and a few accompanying crashes outside as the fate of the Avatar was decided, but Zuko wasn't fazed. From personal experience, he knew that these things were best left alone to resolve themselves, especially if they involved Katara and Sokka. Getting between the two of them bickering brought nothing but trouble, as Zuko had come to learn. Besides, he had become accustomed to the comfortable, if not slightly cold, distance between him and Katara. It was the soothing alternative to the ravaging heat that threatened to consume him when she was close by.

Toph paused for a moment until the Water Tribe siblings had cleared out and she was left alone with Zuko. "I can tell you're lying. Your heartbeat goes crazy every time she enters a room, so do us both a favor and tell me the truth, Zuko."

Zuko sighed loudly before caving in. "You won't tell anyone?"

"What do you think I am? Some kind of snitch?" Toph snorted.

"No, I never-Fine. Uh, yeah. But it's not going to happen. So you should probably just forget about it," Zuko admitted with a defeated voice as he tucked loose strands of hair behind his ear.

"It's so obvious it's painful. Kind of hard to ignore when you light up like fireworks every time she's nearby," Toph pointed out, raising her eyebrows.

"Look, it would never work. So there's no use dwelling on it."

"How do you know it doesn't work? Her heart gets all jumpy when you're nearby, too. What's got you so convinced that it would 'never work' and spiraling into angst?" Toph wondered, making air quotations to further mock the older boy.

Zuko was silent for a moment before burying his head in his hands and mumbling, "I'm not 'spiraling into angst'. I don't 'spiral into angst'."

Toph was unconvinced, bending a piece of slate nearby into Zuko's forehead and eliciting an, "Ouch! What was that for?"

"You totally do, for the record. But the pebble was because you didn't answer my question. Does Katara know?"

Zuko didn't respond, causing Toph to reiterate. "Alright, oh exalted Angst Lord of the Angst nation. Excuse me for thinking that you and Sugar Queen would be an adorable couple who were practically made for each other and trying to do a little match-making. If you're going to be like that-"

Zuko knew that it was pointless to muse over something so impossible, but couldn't help himself. He hadn't imagined it; the chemistry between himself and a certain blue-eyed waterbender whose fierceness rivaled the most catastrophic storms at sea. Even the blind girl could see there was an unbreakable connection between them, but that didn't change the fact that she didn't want him. Their inability to work in the real world that would persist even if they survived confronting his father remained. Dwelling on his past, present, and future revolving around Katara was an exercise in futility, so Zuko pulled himself back to reality.

"Yes. Katara knows how I feel. Just drop it, okay? Please," Zuko pleaded softly, turning his back to flee the conflict and realizations that permeated the room behind him.

***

"Can I ask you a question?"

Katara blinked open her eyes and turned to face Toph with exaggerated caution, inherently suspicious of the sudden request. Asking permission to ask a question was extremely out of character for a girl as brash as she was, so Katara suspected this wouldn't be an ordinary question.

"Sure. What's up?" she responded with a shallow cheeriness that likely wouldn't be enough to fool Toph. Katara hadn't been able to convince herself that a part of her hadn't been left behind on Zuko's beach not so long ago, so it was no surprise her powers of persuasion continuously failed her.

"Why are people so bent on making themselves miserable?" Toph asked softly with a somber tone that nearly caused Katara to do a double-take. 

Cautiously, she probed, "Uh, what do you mean by that?"

"I just don't understand why people make things so hard and refuse to see what's right in front of them. Why are they always so afraid to be happy that they make stupid excuses instead of admitting what they want?"

Katara bit her lip. "What brought this on? I-is something going on that I don't know about?"

Toph blew a loose strand of hair out of her eye. "No, I'm just wondering. In general. Why people are dumb."

Katara stared wistfully into the greenery of the distance beyond the courtyard they were relaxing in. There was no doubt in her mind that Toph knew a great deal about her current circumstance. With her seismic sense and ability to read telltale hearts, it'd be hard not to pick up the trail of crumbs. So she tried to defend actions and motivations beyond logical understanding as best as she could articulate.

"Well, _abstractly_ , I think it's understandable for them to be afraid. It's scary; not knowing how something is going to end. And sometimes people want to spare themselves the pain of an inevitable crash and burn. So no matter how strongly they feel about each other, it's better to never let it happen. To not let a desire for more ruin what's already there."

"That's ridiculous. Not being together just because they're afraid of how it will end. Not to mention, everything there already will get ruined anyway because of how they feel," Toph scoffed, slapping the ground beside her with open palms.

Denying that her feelings hadn't permanently altered Katara's dynamic with Zuko would be more disillusioned than the _Boy in the Iceberg_ play. Trying to claim that his molten caramel eyes and the outline of every shape and plane of his face didn't dance on the back of her eyelids every time she tried to sleep at night would be a lie. Still, this love, while not unrequited, would have to remain unfulfilled no matter how much it hurt. Katara was painfully aware of all of these things simultaneously, during her every waking moment.

Katara gave a bitter laugh and shot the younger, extremely observant girl a knowing look. With a morose sigh, she replied, "That's awfully specific, Toph. Are you sure this is just a general observation?"

The younger girl blushed and nodded, "Yup. One hundred percent sure. Just my, uh, overactive imagination."

Katara let the awkward silence swirl around her for a moment. "I know it can be hard for someone as fearless as you to relate, but it can be paralyzing for the rest of us. Any regret is entirely our own, so try not to worry too much."

With a sad but assured smile, Katara rose to stand and return to the sedentary comfort of the beach house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas eve to everyone celebrating! if ur not celebrating, happy thursday night!
> 
> next update should be tomorrow.


	6. here alone with my realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 25: Here With You

The days had started to meld into each other like echoes into silence. It was gradual, but Katara eventually found herself awake with no sun in the sky or recollection of falling asleep. 

Swallowing the groggy taste of sleep coating her throat and rubbing its counterpart of grime out of her eyes, Katara lurched forward to his bedside with a new awareness of the dried tears coating her face.

Zuko lay prone on the bed, dimly cast in flickering shadows by the light of a lamp on a wooden bedside table. A sheen of cold sweat coating his furrowed brown and collecting in pools further exacerbated the unhealthy pallor of his skin. The liberal coating of salve on the raw skin of the starburst scar effused the room in the sharp scent of healing herbs that could only do so much.

He was a lifeless form of reminiscence as Katara's mind started to haze with fatigue and her eyes grew blank in the time since the Agni Kai. The gentle glow of his ivory skin in the darkness took her back to his haunting glowing bay every time she closed her eyes. The sharp tang in her nose with each shaking inhale reminded her of laughing with him while cleaning. Of being breathless when his lips came to touch her. 

Katara would find herself slipping into states between her realities of past and present, merely carrying out the motions of a healer as her mind wandered. But not now, when his face was tightening in a silent agony that she couldn't soothe.

The crick in her neck from falling asleep in a chair was suddenly unimportant as she started to wring the cool cloth on his forehead in a fresh basin of water. Wiping away the beads of sweat on Zuko's face and brushing away hair sticking to his temples, Katara felt her eyes grow glassy again.

The tears fell down her face slowly as her chest silently shook, but her hands remained steady as they were coated in water. The dirt and blood coating her clothes, or buildup of oil in her air, or the smell that had started to surround her didn't matter. This did.

Katara's closed eyes were blind to the glowing light filling his chambers, but they unclenched to observe a slightly less tormented expression on his face.

Bent over him with their noses practically touching and all other options exhausted, Katarabegan to plead with any force of the universe that would listen.

Her voice was scratchy with disuse, which wasn't surprising considering her last verbal encounter had been with Toph what felt like an eternity ago. Despite the girl's best efforts to soothe Katara, the only thing that could allow her to retain a grip on sanity was healing Zuko.

The screaming and sobbing breakdown she'd had when the others had returned from facing Ozai victorious as Zuko lay dying had threatened to drain the seas of salt. It felt like she'd had every inch of skin burned and flayed, leaving her raw and naked to the assault of emotions that threatened to shatter her.

There had been no "I told you so" from Toph as she offered silent hugs and shared tears, but Katara didn't need any external influences to retain her levels of constant agony . She was certain that she'd be a sopping mess of emptiness if it weren't for the singleminded fury and drive that Zuko recovering provided her.

All of the attempts at comfort from anyone who passed through the prince's chambers were lost on her as she blankly stared at people who couldn't understand without knowledge of their closely guarded secret. They and his uncle visited the festering wound of suffering as long as they could stomach during the day, but Katara was left alone with him under the light of the moon.

"I'm here with you, Zuko. I'm not going to leave. You're not alone, I promise. Not anymore," Katara rasped out.

"I know I was stupid. Wanting to keep all of my mistakes a secret and caring so much about a reputation. I'm so sorry. I know, it was really dumb. But I love you, I really do," Katara whispered, starting to stroke the angle of his jaw with as gentle a touch as she could manage.

She cleared her throat, trying to soothe the sandpaper papering her insides. "I didn't mean to yell at you right after Azula hit you. But I'd rather have gotten shot myself than have to see you like this because of me. You're an idiot, you know? Being so reckless," Katara sniffled softly.

"But it's why I love you. And it's why I can't lose you. I can't let any more people die in my place. So please, _please wake up_. For me." 

Zuko still didn't move, even as Katara started to tuck all of the loose strands of his ink-colored hair out of his eyes. "And I was wrong to say that we wouldn't work. Fuck everyone and everything that says we can't. I don't care about any of that or how hard it is. I was an idiot to believe that any of that mattered."

Katara sighed and crawled onto his beside him. "I'm being selfish. It's because I can't imagine the rest of my life without you. I'm not selfless the way you are. The boy who got struck by lightning for me... But if you really have to go, I understand. It's ok to let go. You've already suffered enough, you shouldn't have to feel any more pain," Katara choked out.

"But if you can, please, please, please, come back to me," Katara begged between sobs to a still unconscious Zuko. She shut her stony, knowing eyes with a deliberate defeatedness and pressed a light kiss onto his lips. 

She wished that she could've defeated Azula sooner. Maybe she would've had a chance to say goodbye to him. Maybe his last moments as Zuko wouldn't have been seizing on the hard ground alone. Katara's mind was an ever-circling carousel of "what if's". 

She should have stopped Azula before she could do this to him. She should have kept kissing him instead of pulling away. She should've been brave instead of caring what other people thought. 

But it was too late.

So Katara blinked her watery eyes open, before practically falling out of the bed. The flame as his nightstand, formerly flickering, was now perfectly unmoving. It was unnatural; a feat that could only be achieved with firebending.

Perhaps it wasn't too late...

Katara let out a small yelp, bringing her hands to cradle his face in her palms. "C-Can you hear me? Are you bending the fire? Zuko, are you here?"

His hand twitched slightly, coming to touch her arm. The silent symphony rang out in Katara's ears with a deafening joy. With a relieved laugh, the salve over the sandpaper coating the entirety of her raw being, she reveled in Zuko's ignition of hope and flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas ya filthy animals! (jk none of you guys are filthy animals i just wanted to quote home alone because christmas! (if u don't celebrate christmas, happy friday!)


	7. what the heart wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 29: In My Heart

Zuko hastily averted his gaze from Katara to the bustling commotion of the streets beyond the assortment of tables and chairs arranged on the terrace. 

Attempting to break the heavy silence accumulating like dew droplets of condensation between them, Zuko stammered, “Uh-” 

At the same moment, she looked up from her plate with wide eyes slightly occluded by thick, dark lashes and spoke up, “So-”

“You go first.” Laughing nervously at their synchronized awkwardness, Zuko sheepishly tucked some loose strands of hair behind his unscarred ear. 

“No, you started first. Go ahead,” Katara countered with a shy smile as she adjusted her emerald-colored sleeves so they wouldn’t fall into the dish of peanut dipping sauce.

“No, I insist,” Zuko stood his ground firmly as Katara playfully rolled her eyes and bit her lip. His own thoughts could wait in favor of Katara’s.

“If you’re going to be stubborn like that, then fine. I was just wondering if the dumplings are spicy enough for you,” Katara explained, pushing her own mild version of the bao around her plate with a pair of chopsticks.

Zuko shrugged underneath the black cloak encompassing him (and concealing his identity from the Earth Kingdom citizens around them. “You’d probably die from one bite, but they could be spicier. At least, in my opinion.”

He surreptitiously watched Katara through his curtain of unruly bangs under the premise of looking down at his food. She was watching him with wide blue eyes that seemed to sparkle in the candlelight surrounding them but drew back to the table when he shook his hair away and faced her.

The only word that could classify Zuko’s current state of existence was unsure. He didn’t know where exactly he stood with Katara, only that all animosity between them had dissolved when he’d woken up after the Agni Kai to her flinging her arms around him in a tight hug and crying into his shoulder about how he “shouldn’t scare her like that ever again”. The lightning scar on Zuko's torso had altered his life in more ways that he could have ever imagined. The awkward silence that permeated the air between them atop Appa’s back on the way to the Fire Nation during Sozin’s comet was banished, but replaced with something just as foreign that remained undiscussed. 

The fragility of life and death had seemingly reminded both Katara and Zuko how important they were to each other, but he had no clue how to proceed.

Zuko was mostly relying on guesswork, assumptions, and chance, but one thing was certain. They weren’t the same people who had sat in a similar dumpling joint half a world away and admitted defeat.

Katara and he had cheated death and he still didn’t know what that made them. Zuko had a strong suspicion that she didn’t either, judging by the blush on her face coming and going like a wave at the beach during high tide.

“You take that back. I will _not_ die from one bite! Hand one over and I’ll prove you wrong. Lemme at ‘em!” Katara taunted, reading over the table with a pair of chopsticks poised to attack as she stole one of the dumplings right off of his plate. 

“Suit yourself,” Zuko muttered as she popped the steamed dough into her mouth and started to chew.

Her cheeks puffed up adorably with the food and a genuine smile that was like a captured painting identical to how she looked the first time they had done this. It made him wonder if they were really were so different from back then. 

Surely, this girl before him with the rounded cheeks was still the great love of his life that had caused him to mope around for weeks.

And then Katara tasted the red pepper filling, clearing Zuko’s mind of any thoughts other than those relating to extreme amusement. Her eyes started to water as her face flushed scarlet, accompanied by beads of sweat starting to form on her forehead. Swallowing the spicy mound of dough and meaty filling as quickly as she could, Katara began to gasp for air and chug as much water as she possibly could. 

Zuko gestured to Katara’s state at the waiter, who quickly swooped in with a glass of milk. “Water won’t do you any good, but this’ll help,” he explained as he handed her the glass.

Katara took large gulps to quench the inferno ravaging her mouth and throat before collapsing back into her chair, while Zuko just chuckled.

“H-how… did you manage to eat an entire plate of those without reacting… at all!?!?!?” Katara forced out between panting and more sips of milk.

He couldn’t help the smirk that started to distort the neutral set line of his mouth. “That was actually pretty mild, as far as Fire Nation standards go.”

“You rule a country full of crazy people, you know that, Zuko?” 

Zuko sighed and dropped his gaze to the ground at the reminder of his new role. “I guess you could say that.”

Katara, noticing his newly downtrodden disposition, frowned slightly before pushing her plate towards him. “Here, try these. They’re much less likely to scorch every single one of your tastebuds off the surface of the planet. And better, in my opinion,” she offered with a light-hearted laugh.

Zuko reached across the table to pick up one of her mild dumplings with chopsticks before wincing slightly.

Katara’s brow immediately furrowed in concern. “What’s wrong? Is your injury bothering you?”

“Nah,” Zuko grimaced, “it’s nothing. Just the bandage shifting when I reached over. No big deal.” Katara didn’t look even slightly, so he added, “I promise.”

Katara narrowed her eyes before saying in a low voice, “Fine. But if anything’s wrong, you tell me, okay? I didn’t practically bring you back from the dead for you to just repress yourself and be in pain.”

Zuko met her intense stare that jolted him with a reminder of his intentions, keeping his eyes locked with hers as he replied, “I _will_ tell you if something’s wrong. Don’t worry; I’m not going to leave you.”

Katara flushed a vibrant shade of scarlet, finally backing off from her one-sided staring contest, before nodding slightly.

After a brief moment of pause, she cleared her throat and attempted to change the subject. “So, what were you going to say? Before I interrupted you.”

As Katara rose to push the dumplings even closer to him, Zuko gave a small smile and continued to hold her gaze. “Well, Katara. I, uh, wanted to let you know… well, I wanted to let you know that _I love you, too_.”

Katara’s eyes grew larger than the seas and skies combined, even brighter than the ethereal glow of her hands when healing. With a gasp, she incredulously whispered, “W-what?”

Zuko reached out to hold her hand in hers. “I remember everything you said when you were healing me. About regretting what happened. I did, too, and I wanted to make it right. I still do. It was what gave me a reason to fight. I came back for you... I don't know what's next, but-”

"I do," Katara cut in softly, reaching for his other hand so all of their fingers were intertwined. "We're going to give this a chance. I've always known, somewhere in my heart, that we'd find our way back to each other. And now that we have, I'm never letting go of you again."

Her gaze teared with joy rather than defeat for the first time in a long time, locking with Zuko's. Squeezing his hand, she managed a smile that seemed to lift all of the burdens of their own design that had weighed them down in the past. The unspoken realization that every one of their wildest dreams imaginable could now become reality. In the shining light of Ba Sing Se’s nighttime, Katara was a world full of hope and possibility, right before his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some weird reason, i was under the impression that the last chapter was the end of this au. idk why, but imagine my surprise when i saw in my notes that today's prompt was for part 7! but i was glad that this fic got to end where it started, so it's all good. 
> 
> 2 more days of drabble december left! i am very relieved that this crazy month is almost over, but this has been so much fun to do! thank you guys for reading/commenting/kudosing!


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